Dating After Divorce Is for the Streets

When you’re already dressed, in the car, and the text says “Running late 🙃”. At least the lipstick’s still poppin’.

My divorce was finalized on July 5, 2022. I remember being at a lake with the kids and my extended family the day before, celebrating the 4th of July, still reading over the final edits for our divorce decree and parenting plan, with a court date set for the next day. I sent a quick prayer up to God—while wearing my royal blue one-piece—that this would be it. That this would be the version we’d sign. That I would finally be free… sort of.

See, I filed on January 25, 2021. And we had both been done for years before this. So by then, it had been a long time. And I was more than ready for this chapter to end. The next morning, after a few hiccups, the judge wished us well, signed the papers, and that was it: divorced. I took a deep breath—and then, a month later, put in an offer on a house. By November 2022, the kids and I were living in our new home after staying with my parents since March 2021.

I was ready. Ready for independence. Ready to focus on my kids, my career, my new house, and of course… finding him.

The real one. My person. My partner. The love of my life.

Because despite everything? I’m still a hopeless, hopeless romantic. I believe in love that makes your toes curl and your stomach flip. The kind of love that feels like home.

I didn’t get married and have two kids thinking it would all end. No one does, I guess. But I had been with my ex since I was 18… all the way until 29. That’s a long time. And even before him, there was no real “dating history.” I’m the eldest daughter of Dominican parents—strict ones. I wasn’t even allowed to date until I was married, basically.

So when I entered the dating world in my 30s? I was divorced, a mom of two, working full-time in state government, paying a mortgage, and… completely clueless. But I was excited!

Since I wasn’t meeting anyone naturally (unless my soulmate was hiding at church, the playground, or my office), I turned to online dating. I made profiles on Bumble, Tinder, OkCupid, and Hinge.

Let me tell you something: the streets are cold, but the dating apps are colder.

I matched with plenty of men. That wasn’t the issue. The issue? Around 70% of them never said a single word. The remaining 30%? Half of them hit me with a “hey,” and the other half jumped straight to asking me out.

I like a man who makes a move, so I ended up going on a lot of first dates. That first year, I went out with someone new almost every other week—especially in summer 2023, when I hit “one date a week” status. Of course, I only went out when the kids were with their dad, in school, or otherwise occupied. I fought hard for my parenting time, and I won’t give it up for just anyone. Still haven’t. My kids haven’t met anyone I’ve dated—because nobody’s been worth it yet.

Anyway… the actual dates? Mixed bag. Most of the guys were nice enough. Good conversations, sometimes even political ones (I know, right?). But many just felt like friends. I made a point to let them know when I wasn’t feeling it—I don’t ghost. I always say something, because people deserve clarity. That said, there were two men I saw more regularly for a bit… but that’s a story for another day.

For now, here’s what I’ve learned from my first year+ in the trenches. These are just my experiences as a straight Latina mom of two who hadn’t dated since high school:

🎯 A Few Things I’ve Learned:

• Some men are just looking for pen pals. They’ll text forever and never make a move to meet.

• A lot of men… don’t know how to ask questions or hold a conversation. I wish I were kidding.

• Why match with someone if you don’t plan on saying anything? Just why?

• I’ve deleted and recreated my profiles at least four times. Sometimes, I need a break from the apps. But every time I come back, it’s the same exact batch of men. But hey, I’m there too, so I can’t judge.

• If a guy hasn’t asked you out by the end of week one—even after texting daily—he’s not going to. Cut it off. Block. Delete.

• Almost no one reads your profile. So many men are shocked to find out I have kids, even though it’s literally in my prompts.

• That said, once I told them, no one cared. Most were still down for the date—even though most of them had never been married or had kids themselves.

• Younger guys? Are out here trying to rob the grave. A lot of the men hitting on me were younger than me. Not mad about it though.

  
  

So yeah… dating after divorce? It’s a jungle. But I’m still here. Still showing up. Still hopeful. Still laughing. Still believing in love. And if not? Well… there’s always solo trips to Europe when my kids are grown.

Wish me luck.

And if you're in the streets too? DM me. We need a support group.

💛—Rochelly

(This post barely scratches the surface of the wild ride that is dating after divorce. I’ve got stories — the good, the bad, the painfully awkward, and the ones that made me question everything. Expect more in-depth tell-alls, lessons I learned the hard way, and real talk about what it means to put yourself back out there as a mom, a woman of faith, and someone still healing but still hopeful. Buckle up.)